one two three fourrrrnication!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
