So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
