i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize