I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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