Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You pole danced in your parka.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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