He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
