Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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