New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
