I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
