How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
