I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
