"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
