omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
