I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
