Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
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This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
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Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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