Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
