I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
