i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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