That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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