theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
