you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
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I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
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I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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