I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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