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yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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