Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
