I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
