Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
