Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
