I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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