Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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