vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
