i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
