i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Panties = found
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize