New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
