Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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