If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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