Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
