Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
