just come out here and I will go home with you...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
