I heard we made out
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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