on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
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I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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