I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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