He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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