Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
drinking out of a sandbucket again
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
