The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
