My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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