is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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