i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
