Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
