Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
