Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
