Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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