Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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