I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
