im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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