Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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