He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
