you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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